I cannot find my penis.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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