i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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