Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
