The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You are a genius and a whore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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