The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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