I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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