then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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