My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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