How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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