I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
