It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
