it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
