We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
