At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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