addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
