He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
