Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
