I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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