I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
