It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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