why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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