i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
