he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
