Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
