took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
