1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Farmville is her only friend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
