I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
