i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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