Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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