Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
