Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
