I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
