I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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