i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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