Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
