i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
