I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
