my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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