If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
