is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
