hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
