and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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