I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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