I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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