Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
