im six kinds of drunk right now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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