Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
