Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's official drugs can't kill me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
