doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
