Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
