I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
